CONRATSATION

Conratsation

I was just back from a long tiring journey

Bread and Akara in a nylon bag

To serve me as a tasty dinner

I settled down sleepily

To eat myself prescribed balanced diet

After which I washed it down

With a sachet of cold pure water

 Setting the stage for a peaceful

Night sleep which is to follow.

I lied on my back

To get the much needed sleep

Which came not too long after

I had slept for God-knows-when

When a sound near my bed woke me.

Being stone tired

I opened my sleep infested eyes a little to see

A most daring sight which took sleep

Completely off my heavy eyelids.

Picking comfortably the crumbs of bread

And Akara which I forgot to clear

Before sleeping off was a rat...

The rat was small, dark

With its characteristic long tail and whiskers.

I took care not to scare it off

Got a good hold of myself

And launched an assault for it

Hoping to catch it with my bare hands.

My attack was successful

Because it had thought I was deep asleep

And also enjoying his God given meal.

Safe in my hands,

I looked at it and said

“You are very brave, you saw me lying on

The floor and you dare come and eat

Near me. Don’t you know I’ll wake up?”

I said this without any thought

Of getting any response but

I got a shocker when the rat opened his mouth and replied,

“I know you were asleep

But because of you, won’t I eat?”

The shock almost made me drop him

But I recovered and thus began our conversation.

“Why do you live in houses?”

“Because there is plenty of supply of food.”

“Why do you destroy our foods?”

“Because we have to eat.”

“Why do you come out only when it is dark?”

“Because it is blinding by day

But very soon, we will get sunglasses just like you humans

And we will be able to conduct our business

During the day and rest at night.”

“Do you know that very soon you will go into extinction

Because of the rate at which we kill you?” asked I

“We can’t go into extinction

Because the more you kill us

The more we give birth.

We don’t control our birth like you humans,

And since you people still live in houses,

We will still increase in population.” He replied.

“Do you know that we hate your guts

And prefer your brothers in the bushes?” Pressed I.

“I know that, but what you humans don’t know

Is that we are more nutritious than

Our bush brothers .

We eat everything you eat

But they only eat grasses.

We are grateful you don’t eat us

So we are going to increase our birth rate.” Boasted he.

This statement said by him

I thought for some minutes

And found to be true.

But I remained unperturbed firing another salvo,

“Why do you hate cats?”

“We don’t hate them, some of them hate us.

But because they eat us,

That is why we avoid them but you don’t know.

If you humans also eat us,

We will depart from your home.

But never worry, we are working

On a pally with the cats;

So look out.” Said he emphatically.

“Why don’t some of you die after eating Indocid?”

You humans don’t know that

We also drink water.

After eating Indocid,

We begin to feel funny

Then we drink water, any water!

Then we drink water and the result is

We don’t die. Only those that

Never have the chance to drink water

Die after eating Indocid. So, man

Get something more powerful and effective.”

The conversation would have gone on

But for my sleepy eyes and his family’s call

To him. I know they have a den

Somewhere unknown to me in my roomy palace.

At this stage, I know not what

To do with him, whether to kill him

Or let him go

Or even strangle him

Or even eat him,

To test his claim to nutrition and balanced diet

Content in his hairy, smelly and small body.

But I decided against others

And choose to threaten him.

And Lo! It worked for me!!!

This is what and how I did it...

“Now,” said I

“I will leave you to go.

When you get to your smelly hole,

Tell your family that you should

Get your dirty smelly selves out of my room forever

Because if you don’t,

Anytime I catch you, I will roast,

Boil, cook, and fry you before eating you.

Is that clear?” shouted I.

At this, he began to shiver

Then he said, “Clear, very clear!”

So I set him down and to his hole, he ran.

To his family he ran and off I slept.

What transpired among them I knew not.

But since then, noticed I,

Not a single rat is to be found

In the vicinity of my palatial room...

So friends,

Why not try this out

And rid your home of this pestilence

Called Rats!!!

© Yettocome™ 2010