Ade's Chronicle 3
We stepped out of the house into the street and walked to short distance between our house and the Jibowu bus stop where we would get a bus to Mushin. We had waited barely five minutes watching the men of the Nigerian Police doing their thing when the Danfo we had been waiting for came along.
''Oloosha! Mushin!! Oshodi!!! Mushin!'' Shouted the bus conductor at the top of his voice. His appearance amused me. He was clad in a white vest that had become brown on a tattered jeans which was formerly long but had been cut short by a carpenter. His feet was housed in two pairs of dunlop slippers, each pair having lost its partner took solace in accompanying the other. His bloodshot eyes was an evidence that he had been drinking despite the hot weather. He sang his route again as he neared where we stood.
We signalled for him to stop and he did. Rotimi looked at me womdering what was making me smile. It was obvious that he had not seen the conductor when I saw him. I pointed to the conductor and Rotimi's face eased into a smile. We both had a similar sense of humour which made me think that the people who called us twins might be roght afterall! One day I will ask my mum and I will tell him to do same.
We entered the bus which was having only two spaces left. I sat in the back seat while Rotimi was seated in the middle seat. The bus had three rows of seat which was typical of the Danfo buses.
This particular bus made my day. Apart from its amusing conductor, the passengers it carried made me reel in laughter. I sat between two ladies. One a Nigerian, the other something between a Chinese and an Indian. She reeked of garlic and everybody had to cover their noses. She then opened her mouth that she had been chewing as a goat does chew cud and spat a blackish sputum out of the window. I was covered in saliva as the breeze scattered the mess she spat out. Every other passengers burst into laughter as I gave her a murderous look.
The other woman beside me was no better. As she was laughing, she shifted her buttocks a little and let flying the worst of gases I had ever heard. She then pretended as if nothing happened. The thing's smell was first percieved from the front seat.
''Hmmm! Hmmm!! Hmmmm!!!'' Everybody offered as the smell of something worse than the smell of rotten eggs invaded the privacy of their noses. I was not left out. Again, I did not talk, I just turned my head and looked at her with the same severity of eyeing that I gave the other woman who bathed me in spit.
She should have kept quiet. She wanted to prove her innocence. She opened her mouth and said, ''What I do you? Why look you me like that? I mess the mess? Don't look me again o.'' She was shouting at the top of her voice.
All heads turned to look at the bomb thrower before bursting into another session of rib cracking laughter. Not too long after, the bombs were re echoed all around the bus making us all to forget the earlier putrid smell we had been enduring.
The woman never knew she was the object of laughter as she also joined in the laugh galore to provoke further laughter which rang through the bus.
Another man with tea coloured teeth and enough holes to bury a three month old baby in his mouth opened it up beside Rotimi and poked his cigarette into it. This infuriated Rotimi who hates anything lighted on the head passionately. Rotimi excused the man and told hom that he should please put it out till we alight at the next bus stop. The man did not answer which made Rotimi to pluck the stick out of his mouth and throw it out of the window.
''Dan buro ba!!!'' Cursed the man who was viciously angered by Rotimi's action. He made to hit him with his blackened hands but Rotimi held it and threw him back in the seat at the other two that were beside him. Everybody went into another round of hysteria as they both battled themselves.
''Moshalashi!'' shouted the conductor and Rotimi who was still scuffling with the Hausa man shouted ''Owa!''.
''Oga mi Moshalashi wa o. Ikan ninu awon were to n ja yen lo fe boole ni Moshalashi.'' The rough looking conductor told his driver.
''Baba ati awon iyalaya e ni were. Iwo oloshi yii. Ori e ti yi abi? Je ki n gba e mu. Wa gba pe were ni baba nla e. Duro fun mi jo! Oloriburuku eeyan.'' Rotimi had said back at the conductor.
He left the Hausa man who still continued with his cursing in Hausa and we got down from the bus. When the bus had gone, I looked at my friend of many years from head to toe and saw that he was not rough at all despite the scuffle he just had.
''Ol boy, you too tight o. I think say that Aboki don tear ya shirt o.'' I said in our usual pidgin. We loved speaking to each other in pidgin, no matter how serious the discussion was.
''No mind me jare. I just make sure say im hand na im I dey hold. Na sense jare.'' He replied smiling.
With that he brought out his phone to call Bunmi....
''Oloosha! Mushin!! Oshodi!!! Mushin!'' Shouted the bus conductor at the top of his voice. His appearance amused me. He was clad in a white vest that had become brown on a tattered jeans which was formerly long but had been cut short by a carpenter. His feet was housed in two pairs of dunlop slippers, each pair having lost its partner took solace in accompanying the other. His bloodshot eyes was an evidence that he had been drinking despite the hot weather. He sang his route again as he neared where we stood.
We signalled for him to stop and he did. Rotimi looked at me womdering what was making me smile. It was obvious that he had not seen the conductor when I saw him. I pointed to the conductor and Rotimi's face eased into a smile. We both had a similar sense of humour which made me think that the people who called us twins might be roght afterall! One day I will ask my mum and I will tell him to do same.
We entered the bus which was having only two spaces left. I sat in the back seat while Rotimi was seated in the middle seat. The bus had three rows of seat which was typical of the Danfo buses.
This particular bus made my day. Apart from its amusing conductor, the passengers it carried made me reel in laughter. I sat between two ladies. One a Nigerian, the other something between a Chinese and an Indian. She reeked of garlic and everybody had to cover their noses. She then opened her mouth that she had been chewing as a goat does chew cud and spat a blackish sputum out of the window. I was covered in saliva as the breeze scattered the mess she spat out. Every other passengers burst into laughter as I gave her a murderous look.
The other woman beside me was no better. As she was laughing, she shifted her buttocks a little and let flying the worst of gases I had ever heard. She then pretended as if nothing happened. The thing's smell was first percieved from the front seat.
''Hmmm! Hmmm!! Hmmmm!!!'' Everybody offered as the smell of something worse than the smell of rotten eggs invaded the privacy of their noses. I was not left out. Again, I did not talk, I just turned my head and looked at her with the same severity of eyeing that I gave the other woman who bathed me in spit.
She should have kept quiet. She wanted to prove her innocence. She opened her mouth and said, ''What I do you? Why look you me like that? I mess the mess? Don't look me again o.'' She was shouting at the top of her voice.
All heads turned to look at the bomb thrower before bursting into another session of rib cracking laughter. Not too long after, the bombs were re echoed all around the bus making us all to forget the earlier putrid smell we had been enduring.
The woman never knew she was the object of laughter as she also joined in the laugh galore to provoke further laughter which rang through the bus.
Another man with tea coloured teeth and enough holes to bury a three month old baby in his mouth opened it up beside Rotimi and poked his cigarette into it. This infuriated Rotimi who hates anything lighted on the head passionately. Rotimi excused the man and told hom that he should please put it out till we alight at the next bus stop. The man did not answer which made Rotimi to pluck the stick out of his mouth and throw it out of the window.
''Dan buro ba!!!'' Cursed the man who was viciously angered by Rotimi's action. He made to hit him with his blackened hands but Rotimi held it and threw him back in the seat at the other two that were beside him. Everybody went into another round of hysteria as they both battled themselves.
''Moshalashi!'' shouted the conductor and Rotimi who was still scuffling with the Hausa man shouted ''Owa!''.
''Oga mi Moshalashi wa o. Ikan ninu awon were to n ja yen lo fe boole ni Moshalashi.'' The rough looking conductor told his driver.
''Baba ati awon iyalaya e ni were. Iwo oloshi yii. Ori e ti yi abi? Je ki n gba e mu. Wa gba pe were ni baba nla e. Duro fun mi jo! Oloriburuku eeyan.'' Rotimi had said back at the conductor.
He left the Hausa man who still continued with his cursing in Hausa and we got down from the bus. When the bus had gone, I looked at my friend of many years from head to toe and saw that he was not rough at all despite the scuffle he just had.
''Ol boy, you too tight o. I think say that Aboki don tear ya shirt o.'' I said in our usual pidgin. We loved speaking to each other in pidgin, no matter how serious the discussion was.
''No mind me jare. I just make sure say im hand na im I dey hold. Na sense jare.'' He replied smiling.
With that he brought out his phone to call Bunmi....
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